1. Eating an entire 10oz bag of post-Easter discount Cadbury mini eggs right before bed makes for some seriously wacko dreams (and may or may not contribute to staring at the ceiling between the hours of 2 AM and 5 AM wondering exactly when the zombie apocalypse would be upon us). P.S. 10 oz = more than half a pound. Seriously. And yes, that’s the best I could do on the math.
2. Who to call if I my nozzle is giving me problems.
3. Ben Affleck has relatives in Solana Beach. They want to go home with you. They told me.
4. Making eye contact with my new director at work while eating a banana = super awkward.
5. My yellow rosebush is a saucy whore. It procreated during its winter dormancy. Evidently, it made a girl! These flowers are on the same stem. branch. whatever. (How does that even happen? I would know these things if I knew anything at all about plants. How I haven’t killed these just by living next to them is something I have NOT learned.)
6. Pinterest makes me feel epically uncreative and monumentally unfashionable. Oh, and like I live in a crack den. But I CAN’T STOP.
7. Since I quit biting my nails (yay!) my go to nervous tic while trying to pay attention on conference calls is yanking out eyebrows. Thankfully, I am genetically linked to Ernie from Sesame Street, so I could do this all day and no one would notice a difference, but really? WTF is wrong with me?
8. Waaaay more people care about Ben Affleck’s existence and well-being than I previously thought. I had to put up a sign just to keep people from asking about him. Trying to
blog WORK here people. Sheesh.
9. I have crappy handwriting.
And it’s only Wednesday! It’s going to be a very educational week. Maybe I’ll learn how to actually link an Instagram photo here instead of emailing, downloading, saving and posting. But probably not.
Happy Hump Day.